Fried Chicken #3: The Chain-Smoking Computer hacker

Ture story. A new IT recruitment agency we were trying had been asked to send us a candidate to do some basic work on 3 Microsoft Server products. It was a very clear & specific brief.

The nameless agency bimbo/himbo had assurred us this their second candidate would know her stuff. (The first candidate had been a jazz musician, but more of that another time).

Anyway, in she rolls, a little late due to parking. We explain the problem and the technology. She listens for a while, then has to run down to her meter (parking cops...). 1 hour almost. She comes back smelling of smoke, then asks to have a look at the system. I try not to hover. 2 hours. She heads baack downstairs to check the meter, but I say it's fine to smoke inside, and so she doesn't go.

She believes she knows the answers to problem, looks around, makes some changes in directories on web. Over 3 hours. At this point is on 10th cigarette or so.

I ask her some questions about the answers and the 'chain-Smoking-computer-Hacker' admits actually she is more into hacking (the bad kind) but doesn't really know the 3 technologies I asked from the agency. She should be able to figure it out though as she can 'hack' anything.

Over 4 hours elapse, nothing works. Hacker-girl asks if she can pick her child-up, now with almost a pack of cigarettes gone. I say, perhaps better she come back tomorrow, if needed. She agrees and leaves. I ventilate the room...

Phone the agency, and ask for the third candidate. Cancel tomorrow with Hacker-girl.

The Punchline: The agency had sent a candidate who did not have any of the 3 required skills, nor had they tested the candidate. They had just taken her CV at face value. Nor had the agency understood the assignment. And yet everyone was still paid for their time. The agency had not even done a basic security check on the client who openly discussed being a hacker.

VERDICT: More Agency Fried Chicken!

Innovation Solution: Don't trust agencies to check skills in IT. Most do NOT know what the skills mean, and therefore just take the candidates word. Try for referrals from your IT department OR at the very least act quickly if you suspect he/she do not know their stuff. Always assume that some IT people are 'hackers' and keep a careful eye on them when hiring.

Fried Chicken # 2: Purchase Orders for Milk

True story, a large multinational based in the USA.

I was working in their Australian operations which were quite large. Every time the staff fridge ran out of milk, the staff had to ask their manager above to complete a paper 'Requisition' form to request more milk. this also had to be counter-signed by a manager at the yet higher level.

Managers had asked the US to change the policy, but the policy was company-wide and could not be varied. If managers ignored the policy the cost of milk (and this was for a whole floor of 100+ people) purchased they ran the risk the milk would not be re-imbursed.

From memory it was 'frowned upon' to have blank signed forms, and there were a whole variety of hurdles. The upshot was staff would have to smell the milk, as large orders for milk were often put in to avoid the ordeal of requisitioning. Contractors like myself were at risk of getting bad milk unless the local staff told them (as they did with me).

All because of a US policy, that contributed no value, yet caused maximum disruption, posed a possibel health risk, and distracted staff from their duties.

The punchline: All this rigamarole was being undertaken whilst they were in the middle of dual Quality and business process Re-engineering drives (the latter I was involved in).

Managers should not be wasting their time on requisitions for small ticket items.

VERDICT: Multi-national Fried Chicken!

The Innovation Solution: Decentralise control over purchases under a set dollar amount per week to one-two persons in the office with a spreadsheet and receipts that are submited to account OR just give authority to a couple of managers up to $XXX per week in return for receipts. OR bring back the tea-lady. Easyyy.

IDEA: You know first job I had they had a tea lady. If you have a lot of high-paid staffthis will save you a lot of hassles, and a modern version could get lunches, drop off dry-cleaning, and on top of that queue-up for and get all the double-decaf, cinnamon, cappuccino orders...!